I Love Drama.

I do not watch much TV. But when I do watch TV, I like to watch TV that is, as Rachel says, "the TV-est of TV". I.e: reality dating shows. Yes, I watch the Bachelor, and I am not ashamed. In fact, I am so unashamed that I write a snarkerific blog recapping the Bachelor (and the Bachelorette). Maybe you should read it. I've been told it's quite funny.


Since last season I created a Bachelor cocktail to celebrate Brad Womack's return (and the launch of my snarkity blog), it hardly seemed fair not to honor this season's Bachelorette, dental student Ashley Hebert, with some kind of libation. (And after having taken a (emotional, not literal) beating at the hands of troll-faced bachelor Bentley last week, Ashley seems like she could really use a drink.)

Of course it had to be a champagne cocktail - champagne is all over every episode of the Bachelorette, and it suits Ashley's bubbly personality. I started with a classic champagne cocktail, the French 75 (especially appropriate since Ashley is french) and added mint, the flavor that most reminds me of going to the dentist. (Of course, my dentist also had bubble-gum flavored toothpaste, but there was no way in hell I was putting that in a cocktail.)


The Ashley
8 mint leaves
1.5 oz gin
1.0 oz fresh-squeezed lemon juice (did you read the part where I said fresh squeezed? make it fresh.)
.5 oz simple syrup (don't be lazy. this stuff is super easy to make.)
Brut champagne

To make: Add the mint and simple syrup to the bottom of a shaker and muddle lightly (or smoosh with the back of a spoon). Add the lemon juice and gin and fill the shaker with ice. Shake and strain into a cocktail flute. Fill with champagne.

Verdict: Sweet, bubbly and delicious - the perfect accompaniment to a night of guilty-pleasure TV.

The Most Romantic Cocktail EVER.

The Bachelor is a reality show where 30 women go on a series of "romantic" dates and exotic vacations while competing for the love of one man. It is one of the worst shows on TV today.


I totally love it.

The Bachelor is ripe for parody, and there is nothing I love more than parody. Except maybe a nice stiff drink. Or warm laundry straight from the dryer. Or Alan Rickman. Mmm, Alan Rickman.

What with all the free time I have lately, I decided to start a Bachelor Blog. In it, I recap the episodes and deliver my snarky take on...well, pretty much everything. My recap of the latest episode includes rules for a Bachelor drinking game, and what better for a Bachelor drinking game than...a Bachelor cocktail?


The Bachelor Cocktail
1 oz passionfruit nectar (or juice)
3 drops rose water (and I really mean drops. a little goes a long way.)
3 drops vanilla extract
brut champagne

Add passionfruit, rose water, and vanilla to a champagne flute. Top with champange (about 6 oz).

Take a sip. Ahh. And now you're ready for all the drama.

MxMo LII: Forgotten Cocktails...OF DEATH.

Good morning, campers! Time to rise and shine, because...it's Mixology Monday! This time, you get two cocktails for the price of one. This month's theme is "forgotten cocktails", with your host Rock and Rye, and both of my forgotten cocktails have these things in common:

1. Ernest Hemingway
2. The "hair of the dog"
3. DEATH.

That's right. Cocktails that will help you get over a hangover...or maybe just kill you.

Ernest Hemingway as a young hottie.

Ernest Hemingway was a talented and troubled American writer who apparently had a bit of a penchant for drinking. He was known to embark on "alcoholic sprees" with James Joyce, and he gave himself a scar on his forehead by pulling a skylight onto his head in the bathroom of his paris apartment, mistakenly thinking he was pulling on the toilet chain. (Wikipedia won't tell me for sure, but if you have ever been inebriated, you might recognize this as the sort of dumbass thing a drunk person would do.) Two of Ernest Hemingway's favorite hangover cures survive, both, interestingly enough, with the word "death" in the name.

First: Death in the Afternoon. Hemmingway's original directions for the drink are as follows (with thanks to esquire.com): "Pour 1 jigger of absinthe into a champagne glass. Add iced champagne until it attains the proper opalescent milkiness. Drink three to five of these slowly." Obviously, there are some problems here. 1. How much is a jigger? Jiggers come in many different measurements. 2. I am not about to drink three to five of these things. Ernest Hemingway must've had the liver of a champion.

I discovered another recipe for "Death in the Afternoon" in one of my go-to cocktail books, the Art of the Bar. This particular recipe called for a mere 1/4 oz of pastis (pernod preferred) and a full glass of champange. Esquire.com, where I found Earnest Hemingway's directions, called for a full 1.5 oz of absinthe (or the newly legalized absenthe) per flute of champange. What to do? Well, I used absenthe, because I had some on hand, left over from making my Harry Potter extra sinister, and I split the difference and put in 3/4 oz of absenthe for each glass of champagne. I feel this creates a good balance between the champagne and absinthe flavors, but if you'd prefer to add more absinthe, feel free. Earnest is on your side. I did not test out the efficacy of this drink as a hangover cure (although you might need one the morning after one too many Ron Weasleys), but I did drink it right after breakfast, which counts for something. Right?

Death in the Afternoon
3/4 oz absenthe
Fill glass with brut champagne.

So...how's it taste? Some flavors are pretty shy. Absinthe (which, for the unintiated, tastes almost exactly like black licorice) is not. There is definitely something in your champagne. To my surprise, absinthe and champagne actually play pretty well together.* You get the taste of champagne, with a nice licorice-y finish that is interesting without being overwhelming. If you don't like the taste of absinthe, you will probably not like this drink. If you do...well, it may be your new favorite thing.

*I'm continually surprised by how well champagne pairs with bizzarre and sundry flavors. Like, champagne and guiness? Surprisingly not bad.

The second, and far more intimidating, hangover cure I sampled is something called Death in the Gulf Stream. The Art of the Bar book first made me aware of the existence of this Hemingway reviver; I have Seamus Harris, from Tales of the cocktail, to thank for the directions for Hemingway's original formulation:

“Take a tall thin water tumbler and fill it with finely cracked ice. Lace this broken debris with 4 good purple dashes of Angostura, add the juice and crushed peel of 1 green lime, and fill glass almost full with Holland gin. . . . No sugar, no fancying. It’s strong, it’s bitter – but so is English ale strong and bitter, in many cases. We don’t add sugar to ale, and we don’t need sugar in a Death in the Gulf Stream – or at least not more than 1 tsp. Its tartness and its bitterness are its chief charm. It is reviving and refreshing; cools the blood and inspires renewed interest in food, companions and life.“

Seamus interprets "Holland gin" to mean Genever, which is sweeter than the London dry varities; for whatever reason, Art of the Bar called for something called "Extra Dry Holand Gin", which I was unable to find at the trusty downtown Spec's, so instead I used just plain old London dry gin. I am supported in my decision by this article about the boozings of Ernest Hemingway from flavorwire.com, so that's something.

Death in the Gulf Stream (aka The Hemingway Reviver)
Crushed ice
Juice and peels of an entire lime
4 dashes of Angostura bitters
Healthy dose of Holland Gin (or extra dry Holland Gin, or London Dry...I used Broker's, if you're wondering. The bottle came with a little plastic top hat on it.)

I cut the lime into quarters, squeezed them into the glass, threw the peels in, and added the bitters and crushed ice. Then I added the gin (almost all the way to the top) and gave it a little stir.


I was very, very afraid to taste this. Notice the part where there's no sugar? And that is a lot of bitters. And a lot of booze. But: verdict:

You guys...I think I'm a total lush. I was fully prepared to taste this and report back to you that it was absolutely terrible. So certain was I of its terribleness that I almost typed the words in before even trying it. But...but...it's kind of good. The lime is bracing, the gin is refreshing, and all that bitters gives it depth...I feel a renewed interest in food, companions, and life. No, I wasn't hungover to begin with. But this drink? It's like a swift, and not entirely unwelcome, alcoholic kick in the pants.

Ernest...you old rogue.

HARRY POTTER COCKTAILS.

One of your bartender's favorite books is Gone with the Wind. (I know, this post is about Harry Potter, not Scarlett O'Hara...but bear with me here.) The first cocktail book I ever owned is something called the Cocktail Bible, which is actually pretty terrible, as cocktail books go. (Creme de menthe in a long island iced tea...whaaat?) But on page 98, I found something that piqued my interest - signature cocktails for all the major characters in Gone with the Wind. (The Scarlett O'Hara - cranberry juice, SoCo, and a bit of lime - is pretty delicious.*) I loved it. It was the ultimate exercise in higher-level thinking...turn a fictional character into a cocktail. I could do this, right? I could totally do this.

*Disclaimer: I have not tried any of the others. Although maybe tonight is the night for a Rhett Butler??

Your bartender also loves Harry Potter - and the first installment of the last movie of the Harry Potter series came out this Friday, so what better excuse to cook up some delicious, creative, and original cocktails? I know that none of the Harry Potter kids are actually old enough to drink...but once they turned 18 (or 21 here in the US), here's what they would be quaffing.

The Hermione Granger

Here's what I was thinking when I started thinking about what would go into the Hermione cocktail...Hermione is a strong woman. She's smart, and she's very good at what she does (magic, being a giant deus ex machina), but that doesn't make her any less feminine. The casting agents could hardly have known that Emma Watson would grow from a bushy-haired know-it-all into the beautiful young woman she is today, but it's only appropriate: seventh-year Hermione Granger is both beautiful and intimidatingly smart. (In the words of Janis Ian: "Suck on that.") The Hermione cocktail is based on a lot of flavors (sloe gin, pomegranate, grapefruit) that are strong and manage to achieve that perfect sweet-tart balance. Together with champagne (fizzy, delicious, feminine without being weak) they combine to form a lovely cocktail.

Hermione Granger
1.5 oz sloe gin (Get the Plymoth. Usually I'm not a big pusher of top-shelf liquors, but trust me: you need the Plymoth. use the cheap sloe gin and this cocktail will taste like medicine.)
1 oz gin
.75 oz Pama pomegranate liqueur
.5 oz red grapefruit juice (Rio star!)
1.5 oz brut champagne

Combine the ingredients in a pint glass full of ice. Stir lovingly for 30 seconds (or more), and then strain into a cocktail glass.

The Ron Weasley

Ahh, Ron Weasley. A little bit Samwise Gamgee, a little bit everyman. The Ron Weasley started out with the pairing of whiskey (so manly!) and Campari (a bitter, very red Italian liquer). Because Ron is manly, a little bit rough - and a little bit bitter. (I would be, too, if my best friend were the second coming.) The pairing of whiskey and Campari presented me with more than a little bit of trouble, and a lot of drunken, frustrated weekday nights sampling versions of a Ron Weasley that turned out to be absolutley disgusting. I wanted to make my Ron Weasley with Jack Daniels, which is very headstrong young man, but it didn't start to gel until I switched to rye whiskey, which a bit more old-school. But hey - in addition to trying to stay true to the characters, I am also trying to make drinks that taste good. The Ron Weasley owes a little bit to the Old Pal, appropriately, and also a bit to the Blood and Sand - in its essence, it is manly, strong, a bit sweet, and a little bitter.

Ron Weasley
1.5 oz rye whiskey
.75 oz cherry brandy (I used cherry heering.)
.5 oz campari
.5 oz sweet vermouth
1.0 oz fresh-squeezed orange juice

Directions: same as the Hermione. Make sure you give the ice plenty of time to melt. This one is potent.

The Harry Potter

I will admit that I was completely without direction on the Harry Potter. Harry Potter's friends start off as carricatures and slowly morph into real people, which makes their transition into alcoholic drinks easier, but Harry Potter himself is a bit harder to pin down. It was Rachel who gave me the idea to start Harry off with chocolate - a very familiar, very everyman, very boy-next-door taste. Combine that with butterscotch and you have a sweet, warming cocktail. Add a teeny bit of absinthe and you have something sweet and familiar - with just a hint of something sinister. SPOILERS.

Harry Potter
1 oz vodka
1 oz dark creme de cacoa
1 oz butterscotch schnapps
1/2 oz heavy cream
1/2 tsp absenthe

Directions: See Hermione.

And the Verdict: I had a Harry Potter Cocktail Party, because how could I not? All the Harry Potter cocktails were a big hit. (I was a bit worried I just liked them because I'm a huge lush.) Hermione: sweet, a bit tart to balance it all out, a good starter for the other drinks. Ron: Very strong. Dudes liked this cocktail, while my girl friends tended to (not surprisingly, I suppose) prefer the Hermione. Some guys even went so far as to say that I gave Ron too much credit, and the drink was manlier than Ron himself. Ouch. The Harry Potter got good reviews: some people compared it to a white russian, or a buttery nipple; I think the taste is a bit more complicated than that. Sweet, but not too sweet. The little bit of absenthe makes you think. Like any good cocktail. Like any good book.

Now, dear reader, I think I will settle down with the Deathly Hallows a and stiff drink. (And these are all stiff drinks. Don't say I didn't warn you. :) Perhaps you should do the same.

And now...even more Harry Potter cocktails. Check out part 2 for Luna, Draco, Neville and Snape.

The Original

My neighbor Jessica came over one night. I offered to make make her a drink. She said she wanted something "not too sweet". Here's what I came up with:

The Original

1 oz St. Germain

2.5 oz Dry Lemongrass soda (possible substitute: perrier?)

Top with champagne.

Just sweet enough.

Jessica liked it a lot. Soon the glass looked like this:


And then like this:


Jessica also thought my photos could use a bit of variety, so she took these. Thanks, neighbor.

The ShamWow

Part of the fun of making up your own drinks is coming up with clever names for them, right? To my great shame, I am embarassingly bad at this. Hence the name for the champagne concotion I created for Bekah's bachelorette party - champagne + chambord = wow!

Wow.

Terrible, I know. But don't be fooled - this one is delicious. A bit more work than the Kir Royale, but totally worth it.

you will need:
champagne (look for the kind marked "Brut" - it's a bit sweeter than the Extra Dry varieties)
1 oz blackberrry-raspberry puree
.5 oz chambord*

*Full name: Chambord Liqueuer Royale de France. I don't really speak french, but I enjoy saying the name of this liqueur as if I do. (Try it.) Chambord is raspberry-flavored, relatively easy to find, and relatively expensive. In a pinch you could substitute a generic raspberry liquer (creme de framboise), but I really reccomend the Chambord. Think of it as an investment in your cocktailing future. And the bottle will look so pretty on your countertop.

Fill a champange flute nearly full with champagne. Leave some space, about a couple inches, at the top for the other ingredients. Add a teeny tiny bit of the puree at first - the champagne will start to fizz like mad. (It's the sugar in the puree. Sugar makes champagne go totally crazy.)

After the fireworks have died down, add the rest of the puree and then the Chambord. Stir with a cocktail whisk (the cutest damn thing you will ever buy for your bar), a swizzle stick, or a straw, and you're ready to go.

The verdict: We have a winner. Bright, lovely burst of raspberry, followed by rich blackberry and just enough champagne to make you happy. How good is this cocktail? After drinking a few at Rebekah's bachelorette party, I thought about it the next day at work. I craved it. I phantom-tasted its rasbperry-sweet goodness. I briefly toyed with the idea of going home at lunch and making myself a drink.

Seriously. It's that good.

Sarah's that good. She took the photos for this installment, too. Go check out her flickr page.

Champagne Cocktails!

Champagne cocktails are some of my favorites - they're super easy to make (they mix themselves!) and what is more, they are nearly impossible to screw up. Take the classic champagne cocktail, the mimosa. Not enough orange juice? No problem! It just tastes like champagne! And people love champagne. Add too much orange juice? No problem! Orange juice is delicious! Pretty much, the formula is fruit + champagne. One good thing + another good thing = a third good thing. Foolproof.

Allow me to present to you...the Kir Royale. Despite the unpronounceable name (I am never quite sure how to say "Kir"), it is super approachable - only two ingredients. It will impress your non-cocktailing friends, because it is not a mimosa. And it is so pretty. All champagne cocktails are beautiful (it's the glassware*), but this one especially so.

So here goes:
champagne
creme de cassis**

*Investing in some champagne glasses will make you feel so grown-up and sophisticated and like the consumate entertainer. And, as it turns out, it's not really that much of an investment - I got mine at crate and barrel for four dollars each. They are 9 oz, so keep that in mind if your champagne flutes are a different size.
**Creme de cassis is a blackcurrant-flaovred liqueuer. A blackcurrant, it would appear, is a kind of berry that only grows in France. You can find very expensive and very cheap varieties of creme de cassis, but the cheap ones will work equally well here.

Put about an ounce and a half of creme de cassis in a flute, and fill with champagne. Really, that's all. It's that easy.

An especially nice touch (okay, I got this idea from Real Simple Magazine) is to freeze some blackberries and use them as a garnish in your champange glasses. These will keep the drink cold, for your friends who like to savor, plus they look amazing.

So, so pretty.

Photos for this installment were taken by Sarah, my very talented photographer friend. Check out her website here.